Monday, 9 May 2011

A Sad Anniversary

Please take a min or 2 to visit this link here and particularly the comments and link on the original post.

A year ago yesterday Tlotf lost most his very best friend.

I mean Calum was friend to the point that............for e.g. should I have need to get married again the automatic, no second choice, the guy to be "Best Man".

How ever that is not to be !!

Yesterday saw the 1st year anniversary of the loss of my best friend in a tragic motorcycle accident.

As everyone who knew me a year ago knows I went through the wringer on this issue.
I blamed myself. I taught Calum to ride, I went with him when he bought his first bike, I bought his first helmet for him as a gift. We rode together, covered many miles.

I thought and its true that if I had kept my gob shut, he would not have past his test, would not be a biker and would not have died in that accident.

It took me easily 4 months to get back on my own bike.
It was hard but I had too..........I kinda think I heard him in my helmet when I finally did go out..........I think he was telling me it was ok!!.

I dont blame myself anymore..............I did !!! But i know it really was an accident!

The court case against the tractor driver is still going through, its a real mess.

I still miss him.
Time is a great healer but I don't think in this case I will ever be totally free...........and that may well be a good thing.

You will see from the photo several of us went along to the accident scene yesterday.
We laid flowers, and I even wrote a letter to him and left it there, you can see the wee grey envalope. It was easier than speaking.

Now that the 1st anniversary is done...........I think I can, so far as possible let this go now.
Yesterday was difficult but the sun was shining and on the way home I was very sad.
However I woke this am with feeling of relief, maybe a burden lifted.

The helmet and leathers are coming out and getting cleaned!!!!!!!!

The weather is a changin' !!

Calum, you wont be forgotten...........I expect you too still ride with me !!


subrosa said...

We all carry guilt for one reason or another LotF, but we have to deal with it and store it away in our memory.

Hopefully yesterday was the start of that process for you. A parent teaches their child to walk. If the adult child walks out in front of a lorry is it the parent's fault?

Sunny here but heavy thundery showers too.

The Last Of The Few said...

Rosie Hi.

I have so not heard from you for a long while !

I hope you and yours are all doing well.

Thank you for your words.

Things are a lot better than last year, and will keep getting better.

Calum was more than a friend. He was the brother i never really had!

Conan the Librarian™ said...

As we used to say in the old days:

Ride free bro...


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